2005 in Review

2005 was a semi-busy yet unproductive year in dating. Perhaps it’s not as bad as I think considering that I was married for 10 years and prior to that I was a dating failure. I had my share of men but very few of them stuck around after I had sex with them, which usually happened on the first date. I don’t know what would have been worse: thinking they dumped me because the sex was awful (it wasn’t!) or knowing they dumped me because men just didn’t date girls like me. Anyway… not the purpose of this blog.

TMIWD (formerly known as TMID) – The Man I Was Dating: We had 3 months of what I thought was bliss. The sex was great, the laughter was frequent and I was developing a severe case of the Love Disease.  

ALBG – Average Looking Bald Guy: I had 3 fun dates with an intimacy challenged nice guy. Three dates, no kiss. Go figure.

Gomer aka RHYG - Really Hot Young Guy: Six feet two inches of 29 year old gorgeousness. One date, some follow-up phone calls ending with “Let’s be friends.” I know the truth. I scared the living hell out of this young, naïve, sexually inexperienced babeage.

MMB – Mail Man Boy: A friend of a friend of a friend who had sexual performance problems after a beer drinking night. I didn’t try for a repeat performance.

Unnamed man – I drove an hour, ate pizza, watched a movie, made out and snored loudly in his bed. That was it.

MOG – Make Out Guy aka WFNG – Works F’ing Nights Guy: One date, hot and heavy making out. Talk about another date that never panned out.

GWGG – Glasses Wearing Goatee Guy: One fun date and then friendship. I’m sensing a pattern.

PC – Pervert Charming: A one night stand from the start. The sex was mediocre so no big loss with this one.

MSM – MetroSexual Man: Funny and nice but he irons sweatshirts and jeans for crying out loud. Our schedules clash but we still talk and are trying to get together.

I’d like to think I missed a couple but I’m sure I didn’t. There were a few “almosts” but those just don’t count… unless I can make “2 almosts = 1 yes”.

Not-Interested-Man

Somewhere around the holidays I sent a wink to a guy from match.com. He replied with an email that said something like “I’m not interested but we can get to know each other.” Ummm… huh?? I emailed him my yahoo “name” and we chatted for hours that night. He appreciates my smart-ass, sarcastic wit and says I make him laugh. It was a good time.

We’ve chatted a couple times since then and twice he’s asked me to go shoot pool… as in right now. I keep reminding him that he’s not interested. If it wasn’t for the fact that he’s asked at 11pm I would have gone. We have a “date” to go play on Tuesday. Hopefully I’ll kick his ass.

I wonder if this works for him

An interesting profile … at least he’s honest:

I am in a relationship and rather stuck. I have way to much to lose and am unable to just pack it up and leave. At least at this time. I have tried everything to make it work but finally came to the realization that I am unable to do it for both of us. Lonliness sucks and I would really like to find some companionship to share some good, romantic times with, even though it would be on a part time basis.

Christmas surprise

Tonight, like every night, I check in with match.com to see who’s viewed my profile. Tonight, unlike most other nights, somebody had viewed my profile. I think a profile view is like browsing a rack of books, skimming over the titles looking for something interesting. Nothing more, nothing less. Winking or emailing is like picking the book up, flipping over the cover. My cover hasn’t been opened in a long damn time… at least not by anyone I consider datable (i.e. living within 50 miles of me and/or having more in common than eye color).

Tonight I was skimmed over by a man that lives about 300 miles away from me. I am appeased by this. He didn’t reject me. He merely lives too far away to spend time getting to know me. He’s nice looking … with that shaved bald head I find so sexy. Match indicated that he was online so I figured I’d send him an email. Christmas Eve alone on my side of the state was sad… I figured it would be equally sad on his side.

We traded a couple of emails and then switched to messenger where we chatted for almost 4 hours. He was nice and funny and time flew by. Too bad he’s TooFarAwayToFuck

Fizzling

I haven’t seen MetroSexualMan since Thanksgiving. We’re having serious scheduling problems due to visitation schedules. I knew this would happen so I’m really not surprised. We still email and talk on the phone but even that’s slowed down. Maybe it’s the holidays… maybe it’s not.

Mulit-dimensional man

Well it’s appearing that there’s more to MetroSexualMan than meets the eye. Not only does he know how to operate an iron he can also install light-fixtures and use power tools. He’s starting to look better all the time. He even offered to crawl under my trailer in 15 degree weather and wrap heat tape around my pipes. So now he’s a generous man who’s not afraid of the unknown critters that probably inhabit that dark scary place. I turned him down on the offer because this place is a dump and he’d probably end up needing to use my bathroom. Letting somebody in here would require at *least* three weeks of non-stop cleaning.

We had the following email exchange that I thought was interesting:

Me: Gotta run... shower time. I'll be naked in 2 minutes.

Him: You made me smile. I even just like seeing the word NAKED. Hmmmm, know what Im thinking?

Me: Naked Naked NakedNakedNaked Naked Naked NakedNaked NakedNakedNaked this is called desensitization NakedNaked Naked NakedNaked NakedNakedNaked {Picture of big fat naked hairy guy} NakedNaked Naked NakedNakedNaked NakedNaked Naked Naked Naked NakedNakedNaked this is called counter-conditioning ;) Naked NakedNakedNaked NakedNaked Naked

Well *I* thought it was funny.

Him: OK, I got you loud and clear. No more flirting.

Me: Eeeek. My attempt at humor has gone awry. Please accept my apologies and pleeeease please tell me you were joking with the "no more flirting" comment. My life would be so dull without it.

Good save!

(We had a phone call in here somewhere.)

My last email to him:

Yesterday you said you thought maybe I just wanted to be friends. To be honest, I'm not sure what I want. I know I'm being cautious ... I think because I'm starting to like you. Be patient with me?

We talked last night … everything seems fine. So not only does he iron, use power tools, crawl under run down trailers, he’s also patient. This should SO be a score. I wonder if he can whip up some sparks.

A "do nothing" date

I’ve finally come up with a name for the guy I met Sunday night. He will now be known as MetrosexualMan. I spent the afternoon/early evening with him today watching movies and just hanging out.

I’m still not sure what I think of this guy. He’s nice, he’s interesting and I do like him… but I find myself questioning his sexuality. He irons jeans and sweatshirts if they have a wrinkle in them for crying out loud. I think he’s digging me though. He was making some moves today… resting his hand on my knee, brushing my hair back from my face… so I’m pretty sure he likes chicks. I just wasn’t into trying to get into his pants. I said goodbye with a hug and a “call me”. Maybe the sparks will happen next time. Or maybe I’ll tell him to stop being such a sissyboy.

Missing Moe

{Dramatic Sigh} I think my Stooge (SIWF) has left me… to be someone’s bitch. Yup. Moe is doing some time in jail. I think he’s out now but to top it all off, he got fired. Can you believe it?? So here I am, pining away for my dear Moe. Worst part… he didn’t get a chance to call me even *one* derogatory name, not to mention smack me around. I think maybe I should call him before he goes back to jail on Monday. Life is SO not fair. {sigh}

Beverage Consumption Date

So I had my first day with TheYetToBeNamedGuy on Sunday night. Is it a good sign when 2 hours of conversation passes in what seems to be 30 minutes? We talked, we laughed, I made eye contact so much I don’t even know what kind of shoes he was wearing. The sparks weren’t flying but he was nice, I liked him. I’m willing to wait and see what happens. Besides, it’s not like the men are pounding down my door.

Checking in

Well not much is happening here on the dating front. Actually, nothing is happening here but something might happen Sunday night. I’ve stopped holding my breath.

As for the current acronym list, it’s all ground to a halt.

• TMIWD: He hasn’t replied to the email nor do I expect him to. It sure would be nice though.
• GWGG: He still messages on occasion but it’s tapered way off which is just as well. One of the last times I texted with him he told me the reason we didn’t work out was because he could smell my pets on me. Talk about humiliating… and paranoia inducing. The last time I chatted with him I found out he met someone and was dating ever so happily. On the up note though he did say he thought I was pretty and that I had a nice body. Great.
• PC (aka PAHD): Case closed.
• OOSD: Another case closed.
• CTB: He’s messaged a couple times since our cancelled meeting but nothing was ever rescheduled. Probably a good thing since he was irritatingly cheerful when we chatted. He’s been exceedingly busy according to what he says. I’m gonna have to go with “case closed” on this one too.
• SIWF: I flirt. He flirts back – maybe – it’s hard to tell. A couple days ago I asked him if he’d be my boyfriend. I said that in exchange for crawling under my truck and feeding me on occasion he could call me derogatory names and slap me around occasionally. He laughed, gave me shit about not getting my oil changed yet and told me to go to Walmart to get the oil changing supplies. He said he’d do it on company time so I think this is more about avoiding work than it is about the boyfriend negotiations. I’m not sure what to think of him telling a coworker that I was flirting with him. On a different note, I found out that he plays Barbies with his grand-daughter. I find this really sexy even though he probably fantasizes about Barbie’s hooters.
• Unnamed Potential Date: One of the guys I’d winked at on match (I’ve been on more of a diet than a man fast) actually responded. We’ve been trading emails for a few days now and we’re working on getting together for beverages on Sunday night. There’s a complication. His kid shift starts 30 minutes after mine ends on Sunday so he’s got to do a bit of schedule shifting. He’s an every other week parent, I’m an every other weekend parent and if I’m doing the math right we will always have weekend scheduling conflicts. Go figure.

The man fast

Well so far so good. I’ve resisted the urge to flirt with the couple married men at work that I normally flirt with. I’ve become less obsessed with the dating site. Most of all, I’ve pretty much stopped going out of my way to run into The-Smartass-I-Wanna-Fuck. Oh I still wanna fuck him… in the worst way… but it’s been less of an obsession this week.

With the ease I’ve been able to avoid these man-habits of mine it’s apparent that I turn to men when I’m depressed.

Oh what a boring life.

giving up

I’m thinking about giving up on dating. It’s more pain than it’s worth. I wasn’t sure if I’d write this post because it’s really embarrassing to admit but I’ve always been open and honest here so I guess I will.

I have men issues. I thought I’d put it all behind me but I’m finding myself back in the place where I need a man to validate my self-worth as a woman. I know how these feelings started: a biological father that disappeared when I was young and a step-father that was emotionally distant and unavailable. I was never “daddy’s little girl” so I look to men to fill that void in my life. Since before TMIWD was in my life, I’d found peace, at least in that regard. Somewhere along the line old thought patterns have returned.

I’ve spent this week riding the bipolar-coaster, mostly due to situational things like poverty and the TMIWD thoughts. Looking back, most of my ups have come when I’ve been talking to one of the guys at work.

I’m finding myself attracted to men I know aren’t what I need. One in particular is a guy I work with. All of a sudden I’m strangely drawn to him. He’s a serious smartass with a devil may care (is that the phrase) attitude about life and from what I’ve heard, women too. He’s a bad boy and I want him something fierce even though even if he showed interest in me it’s a completely bad idea. For one, I work with him. For two, I wanna fuck his brains out but then I’d have to tell him about the H condition which brings me back to #1, I work with him. Guys do not take chances with their sexual health unless they’re seriously involved. They just stop seeing me. This one would stop seeing me but I’d run the chance of seeing him at work. I’d also run the chance of being serious gossip. It’s happened before. Despite all this, my mind plays with ways to ask him out. I fantasize about being with him… how I’d handle it when things get hot and heavy and I have to tell him my wonderful news. It’s sad… so very sad. I’m obsessing about someone that would never give me the time of day.

I think it’s time to stop this game… at least for now.